Marlon Brando’s mumbling-meatball breakout in A Streetcar Named Desire is still impressive today, credit one can extend to On the Waterfront and even exploitation pap like The Wild One. His thuggish brand of hyper-naturalism in these early roles retains its magnetism. Hell, even his crack at Mark Antony is compelling if you overlook his obvious cue card scanning.
But to love Brando is to cherish the endless string of Hollywood stinkers he helped to make funky. His merciless swish in Mutiny on the Bounty. His Foghorn Leghorn swagger in The Chase. His Charlie Channing in Teahouse of the August Moon. His chewing of the scenery is all the more mesmerizing when the film is outrageously awful.
Better still, Brando’s total contempt for motion pictures combined neatly with his legendary status, inspiring him to accept top-dollar salaries only to actively frustrate or completely ruin a production. Behold the madness that is The Missouri Breaks, in which a desperate Arthur Penn has clearly acquiesced to every insane notion Marlon suggested. Wallow in the crapulence of an indulged Brando in The Island of Doctor Moreau, driving cast and crew to tears with his “creative” contributions. Even a quality picture like Apocalypse Now gets upended once MB arrives to make trouble.
They say everyone complains about Hollywood, but nobody does anything about it. Well, by God, Marlon Brando did something. When faced with the prospect of yet another big-budget dump being fobbed off on the public as high-concept entertainment, Brando stepped in and made everything worse. He sabotaged the proceedings with disobedience, cost overruns, bad ideas, and ludicrous performances, guaranteeing that his name on the marquee acted as a warning to filmgoers everywhere: “Do not be fooled by the marketing machine. They paid Brando millions and it only made things worse. Go bowling. Play with your kids. Do anything but watch another movie.”
Happy Birthday, Mr. Brando. You showed us what kind of damage a contender could really do.
- A.H.
(And let’s not forget Ashley’s website, jam-packed with portraits and other drawings, his illustrated rant column, The Symptoms, his highly-affordable prints and books currently available, his eagerness for your portrait commission, and his contact email, thrdgll@gmail.com, where he longs to hear from you.)